Lincoln High School Statesman

Dear Journal: Trumpy had fun

Getting ready for my visit to Sioux Falls (Photo taken by Barron <3)

Getting ready for my visit to Sioux Falls (Photo taken by Barron <3)

US Department of State and GCJ's Clipart

US Department of State and GCJ's Clipart

Getting ready for my visit to Sioux Falls (Photo taken by Barron <3)

Yairis Alvarado, Staff Writer

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Dear Journal,

Hey, it’s Daddy Trump. I apologize for being gone for so long. Kellyanne took you after I left it in the golf cart when I went to go play golf with Kanye. Now I am back and ready to tell you about my trip to go help my favorite vassal.

I flew in the big airplane, which, BTW, I’m redesigning to look like a giant bullet because I lost a bet to Charles when we argued on how long Ivanka’s clothing line would still be sold in Nordstroms.

Exiting my plane, I noticed there were so many pure, pure people waiting to greet me. All of them looked very nice and republican. I love that, Journal. I really do.

CCO Public Domain and ABC News
Me in the big plane

When I was moved to the motorcade, I got an email from Kristi welcoming me to the city. What a nice gal. Kristi- you are a nice person. We think alike Kristi; you are basically the female version of me. I finally found someone who understands my thought process. Also, get this, Journal: She is a farmer. A farmer! Putin is going to be so happy when I report to him that we finally got a person who, unlike us, literally likes getting dirt on her hands.

Entering the arena, I loved what I saw, Journal. You wouldn’t believe how much covfefe I saw. Covfefe here, covfefe there, covfefe all around South Dakota. I took in all the covfefe and was rudely rushed in to the conference room where they had cornflakes and deep-fried macaroni and cheese ready for me. I sat myself on a seat that was rightfully labeled “Big Boys Only.” I watched Kristi Noem and others talk while I had the most republican looking person in the room have the honor to feed me.  I looked over my speech and scribbled in some ideas with the pink crayon that reminds me of Barron. Did I mention I love Barron. Anyways, when it was my time to go speak, I put on my big boy face and South Dakota sang to me the most beautiful song, “TRUMP 2020!” Mmmm, how kind of them. The next thing I remember is boarding the Air Force One and changing into my onesie. Putin doesn’t let me talk during rallies anymore. He says I get too excited.

That’s all for today, Journal. Currently I am eating peanuts while the pilot sings “Sweet Caroline” to me for the fifth time.


P.S  My Pencey would’ve loved this.

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Yairis Alvarado, Staff Writer
Yairis Alvarado is senior and a first-year Statesman writer. She spends her time re-watching “Glee” and “Criminal Minds.” She is in involved in Oral Interp and vice president of Young Progressives Club. When she’s not busy obsessing over Daniela Benitez, she’s spends her time getting lit with the elderly at Trail Ridge.
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