It is almost as if I am the only girl in the world with him. Right, because it is not like there are not 17 other women vying for your boyfriend’s heart. Anyway, tonight’s episode of “The Bachelor” should be interesting: seven emotional, jealous women wrestling for Arie Luyendyk. What more could you want?

The group date started off with Luyendyk taking seven lucky women to a boxing ring where they were to be verbally harassed by retired pro women’s wrestlers. Within 10 minutes of the date, Bibiana was crying and following her in tears was Tia. Sweet, southern Tia. No worries though, the tears are quickly dried and the women head back to the ring to show what they are made of. Soon the women slip on their alter ego costumes, Bekah M. leaping straight for the role of “Sex Kitten,” and face off. In the end, it is Tia who takes down Bibiana for the crown.

The group date cocktail party is fairly uneventful aside from Krystal’s annoyingly aggressive fanatics. In the end it was bubbly Bekah M. who received the group rose.

I will not even discuss in great detail Lauren S.’s one-on-one date because it was that cringy. The date started off on the right foot: they were taking ANOTHER private jet to wine country, but then I grew annoyed of Lauren’s soft, raspy voice and her random conversation. It was clear from the moment Luyendyk and Lauren sat down for dinner that Luyendyk was uncomfortable. I mean how could you not be when his initial question was, “Can you tell me about your past relationship?” and she finished her answer with, “And that’s why music is so important to me.” There was no chemistry between the two and because of the lack of a spark Luyendyk did not give Lauren S. a rose.

This season’s dates have been surprisingly bland and this next group date only peaked my interest because of the plethora of dogs featured in it. Again, we see Annaliese crying because she had a “traumatic” experience with a dog when she was younger and therefore was suffering from PTSD. Apparently the dog almost “bit her eye off”, so props to ABC for putting together that hilarious montage of a young girl and her feisty puppy. The girls were brought to a park and were told to train dogs to do tricks, as they would be performing a dog show for little kids in a few hours. When showtime arrived no one was prepared. Dogs were pooping on stage and the girls were in distress. No worries, the show ended quickly and the women headed to the cocktail party.

Again, no drama. Seriously girls, start pulling hair and calling each other names because I am losing interest. The group date rose went to single-mother Chelsea, no doubt because of her sob story about performing in front of little kids when her own child was thousands of miles away. Congratulations Chelsea, congratulations.

This episode ended with a surprisingly good cocktail party. Bibiana had set up a nice daybed in the driveway, but when she went to bring Luyendyk to it, she found him already on it with another woman. For the rest of the night she sulked and never spoke to Luyendyk resulting in her not getting a rose at the ceremony. One of the cringiest moments of the night was Annaliese asking Luyendyk for a kiss and getting straight up rejected. “I’m sorry I just don’t think that we’re at that point yet.” Meaning we will never be at that point. Annaliese had a fit and asked him if he saw a future with her and he said no. Annaliese was sent home.  

If there was one thing to take away from last night’s episode it would be that Luyendyk is really taking this seriously and the women need to sharpen their nails, take out their hoops and start creating some drama or else this season will be a 3/10.