Dear younger self, 

I see you, broken and lost. Searching for answers as to why life could be so cruel to someone so young and pure. You think that somehow, by some sort of means, you must deserve all your life’s sorrows. But you can hardly understand how. The truth is you don’t deserve it. Unfortunately, you won’t quite believe the truth until you’re much older, but just know that eventually, you will and that you’re unbelievably strong. 

I hear you screaming up at the sky, your fists clenched in tight balls of anger. You’d only give up more and more hope as you watched dad fight to bring you home to him. It never worked. You knew each failed attempt would only make things worse at home, but you loved him dearly and didn’t have the guts to tell dad to stop trying. Mom made it nearly impossible for him to get you and you beat yourself up both for wanting to leave mom and for wanting dad to let it go. You grew up torn between two very different people that you both loved. 

Not to mention, Soph was far younger than you were and was, disastrously, the child of a man with two horns and a pointy tail. He made your life worse, but he did his damage quickly and left us with the lesson that love is blind and that even if you find the prettiest rose on the entire bush, seemingly intact, put together, full of nutrients and prosperity, it still has thorns. His daughter was spared from the wrath he spewed leaving you alone with the blame and without a sense as to why.

Your grandparents dying in the same year would’ve seemed like a breaking point for anybody, but you were resilient. It felt like the only option you had left was to look forward and know you’d always have yourself no matter what the experience was. 

I miss you. Your eagerness for the future is something I often lack. I miss your toothy smile and bubbling creativity. The bravery you must carry now has only grown since then and has transitioned me into one of the best versions of myself, ourselves, we can be. I know you are hurting right now, and we shouldn’t have had to grow up as fast as we did, but I love you.

Thank you for believing in us enough to keep me here today.