Five green plastic lily pads pave a way from one side of the pool to the other. The patrons who dare to try the obstacle can cling to the rope above their heads to assist them, or if they can’t reach it, crawl to the other side. A five year old boy, an awkward in-between height, can either use the rope standing on his tiptoes, or crawl his way across the lily pads. His dad stands close by, smiling, encouraging him to use the rope by saying, “Don’t crawl like a girl.”

This form of encouragement is not new. The classic movie ‘The Sandlot’ says the all-time burn in the history of baseball, “You play ball like a girl.” Those three words at the end of the slander triggers the boys into a baseball competition to prove they indeed do not “play ball like a girl.”

The phrase seems miniscule and almost natural after hearing the insult from as early as I can remember. “You got beat by a girl,” “you hit like a girl,” “you throw like a girl,” are common slaps heard on the playground, the school gym and the neighborhood streets. It’s hard for me not to cringe a little every time I hear it. Is being a girl really an insult? Just because someone is a girl or like a girl means that they are suddenly associated with weakness or considered insubstantial. Since when? When have I showed anymore flimsiness or less athletic ability compared to the boys around me? At what point in my life did I become an insult?

But “like a girl” doesn’t stop with connotations toward powerless. I hear my friends, girls included, refer to boys saying “he’s acting like such a girl.” Do they mean dramatic? What exactly does acting like a girl refer to? The girls in my life are level-headed, ambitious women who are not constantly making a scene or acting artificial. This simile is a direct hit to every single girl’s character and eventually, self-esteem.

The lily pad incident was brought to my attention by my co-worker. The lifeguard came into the break room noticeably unbalanced when everyone else was upbeat, ready to head home for the night.  After illustrating the situation and ranting how this dad was “already brainwashing his son that he is better than girls,” I realized something troubling. This was the first man to ever bring up this issue to me.

I’ve been bothered and confused about “like a girl,” for some time now. My co-worker’s likewise confusion made me realize that this wasn’t something that I personally just noticed. This isn’t something that I have to think is okay just because it’s common.