The last time that she went to Starbucks they misspelled her name, again. Of course, she says nothing about it and moves on. But not before she snapchats her 75 streaks about it.

The Basic White Girl™ is a fascinating creature that functions at a relatively fast pace socially and underwhelmingly low at practically everything else. Her privilege is unrivaled in most fronts. Her instagram feed features a wide variety of three pictures: The food, the friends and the Selfie. Every hashtag really means something to them. Every rant on their story is filled with furious passion. Every Venti Refresher from Starbucks oddly satisfies them just like the videos they scroll through endlessly on their Instagram Explore page. Like totally everything is just great in their life and everything is perfect. We, high school students, all wish we could be them and not have to worry so much about fitting in. They are the best and the brightest. Or so we all think.

However, when we take a closer look at their natural habitat, we see quite a lot of imperfections. Not everything is sunshine and rainbows in Perfectville. They have messy rooms to match their messy personalities and personal lives. Some nights they stay awake crying until 3 a.m. with red eyes. (Wink wink.) Mom and Dad are fighting and everyone is secretly out to get them, using them simply for their money or looks. Imagine the heartache of 12 romantic relationships dead and gone, the awkwardness of it all. Their GPA is dropping as fast as their motivation. 17 or so years of false impressions and a calculated outer life becomes tiresome. The grueling pressure they face feels so tangible they might say it could be measured if there were a scale for it.

Somehow the steep growth in this population can be traced to a culture of fear brought about by high school teenagers. It’s not surprising: The world is spinning faster in the minds of these younglings, and it inspires a level of anxiety within. Lack of sleep due to a heavy school work load or intense insomnia on top of a laborious job and a life to maintain only exacerbate the Struggle. Not to mention, social media only serves to heighten these problems as you put almost everything about yourself on display nearly 24/7. The pride gained by become a Basic White Girl™ would seemingly reduce the stress, but it’s unclear whether it does. I would argue the case that it doesn’t truly, as it perpetuates the arduous task of preparing yourself for examination from all corners at all times. Maybe it’s just something that comes with age to move on from this odd lifestyle. But hopefully, we can see an evolution of this species into something kinder and a little more varied.

Disclaimer: This is a satire piece and is not intended to offend anyone. The intent is to shed some humorous light on a discussed topic.