As far as drama in this episode goes, I was entertained. Not with the drama between the girls, because let’s face it, very few of the girls have personalities, but with the drama involving Arie and Krystal. Buckle up for this week, on the Bachelor.

The fifth episode begins with the perfectly tanned women biking down the streets of Fort Lauderdale, FL. Fort Lauderdale is like Miami, but for moms. To my surprise, Chelsea got the first one-on-one date of the week and is excited to show Arie that “she is not just a mom, she is a hot mom.” The two went jet skiing and ended the day with dinner in a vintage car warehouse. At this point the producers are not even trying to hide the fact that the couples are not eating on dates. There is no kitchen in the warehouse, but that is beside the point. Chelsea uses this time to talk about her past relationship. She was young when she met her ex-husband and he was a successful older man who wanted to mold her into his desires. Chelsea, you need to wake up and realize who you are talking to. A professional race-car driver wannabe who is at least seven years older than you. The date ends with a happy Chelsea receiving a rose.

Now, onto the main event. The group date. Arie takes 11 women to a bowling alley to “roll” out some steam. A harmless, light-hearted date, right? Wrong. After a few warm-up frames Arie drops the bomb. The women will be split up into two teams and will bowl for his love and affection. The losing team will go back to their hotel, while the winning team will spend the night with Arie. After a hard fought battle, the blue team, led by Krystal, takes the trophy. Like the beer filled girls they are, Team Blue storms over to rub their trophy in Team Pink’s face. Arie, after seeing how distraught Team Pink is, decides to allow them to come to the after party to be fair. What a man.

With this turn of events, Krystal snaps. She wants blood. Krystal refuses to come to the after party, and lounges instead in the room wearing only a luxurious robe. Arie sits down at the cocktail party and says, “Everyone’s here.” Well Arie, no, not everyone is here. After discovering the motive behind Krystal’s absence, he heads up to her room to hash things out. Krystal proceeds to whine about how hurt she was when he did not stick to his word. Blah blah blah. Might I add she was still only wearing the robe. Arie tells her, “It’s just bowling,” but Krystal rebuttals, “You know it’s not.” It is never just bowling, Arie.

Arie leaves her to attend to the girls and gives Lauren B. the group date rose.

It is time for another one-on-one, and this time Tia is the lucky lady. Tia and Arie embark on a southern themed date where they go on a fan boat and hang out at some old man’s Everglade house. At dinner Tia reveals that she is falling in love with Arie and also that she has a PhD. Honestly, why does this show not highlight the successful women of each season. Tia was introduced to America as “Raven’s friend from Weiner, AR”. Why could they not have led with the fact that she has a PhD? Also, Sienne went to Yale and that is hardly ever mentioned. Yale, guys. Anyway, Tia gets the rose and the two dance at a private concert by country singer,  Tenille Arts.

At the final cocktail party Krystal confronts Arie and proceeds to play the “crazy card“ by saying, “Just think, this is our first fight.” Aw babe, how cute am I that I stormed out of a bowling alley and ran away from all of my problems because I did not get what I wanted. Arie savagely replies, “It could also be our last.” Ouch.

Maquel, Marikh, and Ashley were all sent home.