How to Flirt With Trees – A Five Step Process

Slater Dixon

Wikimedia Commons
Trees can make for great romantic companions.

For many teenagers, high school is a time to improve their academic endurance, physical strength and emotional maturity. For others, though, they just want that cute gf to get them through the next three months. But getting a dating companion can be difficult and keeping one can be even harder. If you are failing to find a sweet someone, maybe you ought to look somewhere else.

Consider dating a tree. They are low maintenance and are always there for you. Also, since most trees reproduce by themselves, you don’t have to worry about making a big mistake that could have major consequences. Here are five ways you can land the tree of your dreams.

1. Be confident

When you find a luscious tree with those fine leaves, your instinct will be to observe it from a distance until you work up the confidence to go up and talk to it. Can we be honest though? It will never happen unless you go hit up that tree the moment it catches your eye. You don’t have to jump straight into the lovey stuff. Just make firm eye contact and introduce yourself.

2. Put yourself out there

You may begin to feel that none of the trees in your area are interested in you. Maybe you tried some casual conversation, but it didn’t feel like your efforts were being reciprocated. Don’t take this personally. Maybe ferns just aren’t that into you. Consider approaching a pine or an oak: they can be quite friendly. Talk to various types of trees. Immerse yourself in tree communities so you can find ways to connect to prospective companions.

3. Play up your personality

Are you funny? Great! Are you a silent softie? That is great too. To get the tree of your dreams you need to be confident about who you are. The great thing about flirting with trees is that there are literally hundreds of thousands of options to go for. Somewhere out there is your soul-tree, you just have to find it.

4. Give genuine compliments

When you see a tree you are interested in, take note of what you like about it. Maybe it is the graceful way its branches blow in the wind. Perhaps its leaves have extra chlorophyll, resulting in vibrant colors. Also, remember that their trait does not have to be just physical. The tree could have a great laugh, a witty sense of humor or a caring heart. Making subtle, yet genuine compliments surrounding these features will make that tree feel special… and interested in you.

5. Do not get too attached

So you found that perfect tree; it has a full trunk, lovely leaves, and a caring heart. You are ready to go and win its heart with a lovely sonnet you composed about how your love will be rooted in the strongest of soil. But, when you go to perform your two-hour masterpiece, they are not interested. Was it your hair? Did you creep it out by staring at its bark for too long? These are possible answers, but some trees are just looking for different things. Rejection hurts. What you need to do is move on. In the forest there are plenty of trees. Go find the one who will make you happy.