Merriam-Webster dictionary defines agreeable as ready or willing to agree. Likable people often share this common trait of agreeableness, which sounds like a good thing. Why would someone not want to be liked? The problem with people who are too agreeable is that they often live more for others rather than for themselves. These people find it easy to agree with others because they have adapted an “as long as they’re happy, I’m happy” mentality. 

The downside of this is that they often lose track of their own desires. As Jordan Peterson says in his lecture on agreeableness, “[agreeable people] often don’t even know what they want because they are so accustomed to living for other people.”  On the other hand, disagreeable people usually know exactly what they want, which is extremely important, especially when it comes to building a career. Like Malcolm Gladwell touches on in his book “David and Goliath,” disagreeableness has led underqualified people to achieve great success. Just look at Brian Glazer, he went from begging teachers to raise his grades to being an Academy Award-winning producer. 

Obviously, there is a time and place for both of these qualities, but the truth is, most people need to learn to be more disagreeable. Being disagreeable is not necessarily being difficult or unpleasant as many definitions suggest, even though disagreeableness in abundance can lead to this. For the most part, it is simply being able to disagree easily. Or, more abstractly, the ability to comfortably not care what others think. This mentality is advantageous in the real world, as studies suggest that disagreeable people typically earn more than agreeable people. The reason for this is that disagreeable people put ideas forward fearlessly, take more risks and often ask for raises more convincingly. 

Being too agreeable comes in many forms, whether that is not being able to express an opinion, not wanting to sound needy when asking for something or getting taken advantage of. There are advantages and disadvantages to both agreeableness and disagreeableness, the key is to figure out when to live for others, and when to live for oneself.