Dear common cold,
I wish I could tell you about all the joy I feel with you. I cannot express just how much you have impacted my life. Each year, you become more present, and I can no longer ignore that you are here. I cannot deny the joy you give me. Every other week, I can feel your effects taking place. I get so excited when you arrive. Nothing is better than spending time with you, spending my days in bed, not going to activities and never leaving my house. Those are the best things I get to do when you’re around. I mean, I didn’t really want to go to practice today; I would much rather be with you.
Not being able to breathe well and coughing all the time may annoy some people, but not me; I just love it. You make sure I do plenty of that. I don’t know how much money I have spent on tissues, but I can assure you it is a lot. Maybe you could reimburse me for that; if not, that’s fine. You will make up for that when I start to get headaches. I think I will call that a fair trade. I also love the sound of constant sniffling as I try to clear my nose. I don’t think there is a better sound than that. I start to long for it when you have gone away. But I am not worried, because I know you will be back soon.
My parents do not approve of our relationship; they say it is very one-sided. I simply do not agree with them. I think what we have is special, something no one else could have. We spend plenty of time together, and you always seem quite happy. They’re constantly finding alternatives for me, trying to push us away. They say I am not quite myself when you’re around, but I don’t think that is true. I’d much rather be with you.
You don’t stick around for long, though. Usually, you go away in about a week, but sometimes you stay longer. I just feel so blue when I’m without you. Later, I find out you’re with someone else. But they don’t appreciate you the way I do. I simply can’t live without you. I become so jealous when you’re not around. Please just stay with me.
But I can’t say any of that.
I actually hate you. You’re the worst! When you come around, I question every decision I’ve made that led me to you. Grabbing that door handle, shaking hands with that one kid, borrowing that pencil. All of those decisions are what led me down this path. From the moment you came along, it’s just been a downward spiral. I would much rather do my math homework than spend any more time with you. We are over. I hope you never come back. I don’t want to see you ever again.
Sincerely,
the person who is most sick of you, literally
