Lincoln High School Statesman

Who is Mark Zuckerberg?

The lizard in disguise.

Elaine Chan and Priscilla Chan

The lizard in disguise.

Jenna Becker, Staff Writer

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Mark Zuckerberg and his major social media have been the topic of much controversy in recent weeks. Facebook, once used as a platform to stalk distant acquaintances, was found to be selling user’s personal data. This lead some to wonder: how could any human do this? The answer is simple, Zuckerberg is not human.

Speculation of his reptilian secret has crossed the Internet since early in 2016 after an interesting live stream with the Facebook founder. The user asked Zuckerberg point-blank if he was a part of the dreaded “half-human-half-reptilian” race, which caused a moment of noticeable hesitation from the nervous 32-year-old.

“I’m gonna have to go with ‘no’ on that,” said Zuckerberg. “I am not a lizard.”

Though some took this statement at face value and moved on, others observed that this is exactly what a lizard would want his unsuspecting audience to believe. Still, his public denial of these claims seemed to quell some of the public’s fear, as talk of the controversy quieted.

Luckily, a renaissance of this (true) conspiracy has arose with online communities gathering to expose the truth of the sneaky billionaire. These users have also pointed to the life expectancy of the average lizard, 34 years, just a month shy of the age Zuckerberg claims to be.

Zuckerberg is not the only public figure accused of this reptilian lifestyle. Other figures, like President Obama, Betty White and even our own principal, Bobby Grimm, have been found with connections.

Until we can definitively prove their true identities, we need to be aware and act with caution against these threatening creatures. Keep your eyes out, and stay safe.

Jenna Becker, Staff Writer

Jenna Becker is a junior and one of the new staff writers for the Statesman. Outside of the J-lab, Jenna enjoys being a part of the LHS marching band (aka cult), and organizing uniforms for the track team. You can also find her spending time with her dog, and binge-watching “Jane the Virgin” on Netflix.

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