Lincoln High School Statesman

Drinking the Kool-Aid: one man’s pursuit to refresh LHS

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Drinking the Kool-Aid: one man’s pursuit to refresh LHS

LHS freshman Charlie Mickelson takes a gamble and drinks the regular E-Wing water.

LHS freshman Charlie Mickelson takes a gamble and drinks the regular E-Wing water.

Riley Rasmussen

LHS freshman Charlie Mickelson takes a gamble and drinks the regular E-Wing water.

Riley Rasmussen

Riley Rasmussen

LHS freshman Charlie Mickelson takes a gamble and drinks the regular E-Wing water.

Caleb Miller, Staff Writer

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These past two weeks have been full of students doing everything they can to win the LHS vote, and that means standing up to issues all across the spectrum.

One large point in particular that has been brought up is the E-Wing water fountains and making them better and tastier for everyone. But one candidate has finally stepped forward with a solution that is making everyone scratch their heads and go, “why didn’t we think of this sooner?”

What is that solution? Simple: grape Kool-Aid.

Charlie Mickelson is running for freshman Student Council and he has decided that enough is enough. If he is elected, he promises the LHS student body better than just regular old water. He believes that rather than the old everyday drag of hydrogen dioxide, a little grape Kool-Aid should be sure to bring a kick into everyone’s day and greatly improve the overall LHS academic experience.

“The grape Kool-Aid is obviously the best. I’ve tried other things and they don’t taste as good with the E-Wing water,” said Mickelson. “They just don’t throw away the bad taste as well.”

Mickelson first discovered the tragic flaw in the system at the very beginning of the year. After tasting it, he realized that something needed to be done and that he was willing to take up the challenge.

“I’m running for student council because I want to make Lincoln a better place,” said Mickelson.

As far as how it would be run, Mickelson believes that the best way to solve this epidemic would be to distribute the grape Kool-Aid to everyone. This way they could start refreshing their lives and avoiding the current epidemic of regular water that is taking everyone by storm.

“It’s really the only way to make the water taste better,” said Mickelson.

All in all, Mickelson is hoping that the voters will turn out and put the ballot in his favor so that he can finally end this crisis. He wants to give his final call to the students and staff on the issue:

“Get the grape Kool-Aid.”

Author
Caleb Miller, Staff Writer

Caleb is a freshman and first-year staff writer. When he's not working on his next documentary or playing 19th-century hymns on the piano, you can find...

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