IAHSB announces rating system based on personality

"Dang, Melanie is at least a (1,3)"


Provided by the IAHSB

The new ranking system for women as determined by the IAHSB

Slater Dixon, Perspectives Editor

This is a big win for women. On Monday, the International Association of High School Boys (IAHSB) announced that they are finally replacing the old 1-10 rating system based on physical attractiveness. The new scale will be gradually rolled out to group hangouts and locker rooms throughout 2019.

“We took a good long look at our organization, and we thought: ‘Is this really what we want our sons looking up to? There is so much more to a girl than just how she looks,’” said the Council in an official statement. “For that reason, the new scale will rate women based on their personality.”  

Unlike the old system, the new one throws another axis into the mix. The x-axis measures Basicness, and the y-axis measures Niceness. These two personality variables were chosen after over three months of deliberation.

“It took us a long time, but ultimately, we settled on the most important traits. The first is Basicness. The left represents having too much personality and personal opinions, while the right represents basic Juice Stop girls,” said the Council. “On the y-axis, positive variables represent being nice, while negative values signify being mean.”

According to the Council, the best score a girl can get is (0,0), the exact center. This score represents a nice girl who is not so nice that you would feel super guilty about wronging them, as well as one with just enough personality to be interesting, but not overbearing. The IAHSB plans to partner with other male organizations, including Chads United, the Man Initiative and the Just Joking Project in order to get the new system out of just high schools and into frat houses and bars across the country. Some men, however, disagree with the new changes.

“Is nothing sacred anymore?” wrote one Twitter user in a lengthy thread. “Men have been rating women since the beginning of time, and it’s sad to see harmless traditions go away in the name of making women feel better.”

The IAHSB, however, stood firm in their declaration.

“We believe that this is the best solution for countering the so called ‘toxic masculinity’ women are always whining about,” said the Council. “A girl can’t be measured by a single number; she needs to be measured by two. Our system encourages men to get to know a girl before assigning a numerical value to her worth.”