During a pandemic like the one we are in right now, there aren’t an overabundance of places for people to work as many businesses have closed or have extremely limited hours. This list is the top five best and easiest ways to make money during quarantine.

1. Join a pyramid scheme
   1. What better way to make money than an illegal pyramid scheme? It is honestly the easiest way for any person to get rich quick. A pyramid scheme is a business model that recruits members by promising large payments/services for getting more people to join in on the scheme. All you’re really going to need to do is look at almost any Instagram influencer’s story, pay your way into the pyramid and then in the end, according to these influencers, you will in fact make an absolute fortune. 
2. Join a circle scheme
   1. Now, this one may sound just like the pyramid scheme, but it’s actually totally different. I’ve actually very recently, seen many other high schoolers participating and advertising this one. This scheme, unlike working in a pyramid format, works in a circle format. You see instead of buying your way into the bottom of the pyramid and working your way up, you instead buy your way into the outside of the circle and work your way into the center. This one, unlike the pyramid scheme, is actually legal because it isn’t the same shape, even though it may work the exact same way.
3. Make weird paintings
   1. There is a trend on TikTok right now where people are selling these very easily made paintings for thousands of dollars apiece. What they do is hang a paint bucket over a canvas, poke a hole in the bucket to allow for paint to drip out and then set the bucket into motion until the paint has covered the canvas in a satisfying circular shape. You may be wondering, “will this one actually work?” and my answer to that is yes, of course. I got all this information from the Internet.
4. Become a Fortnite streamer
   1. This is one that may seem like something that would require you to have some skill when it comes to video games. However, anyone can stream. Literally anyone. All you have to do is first spend thousands of dollars on a top-of-the-line gaming setup, purchase a brand new camera and microphone, join Twitch and you’re all set to go. Don’t worry about actually being good at the game. You just have good commentary and make edgy jokes while you barely survive the first circle of every game.
5. Buy/Re sell toilet paper
   1. For some reason, people seem to feel that it is vital to their survival to  have hundreds upon hundreds of rolls of toilet paper stocked up in their homes. There seems to be an underlying symptom of the Coronavirus that makes people defecate at a much higher rate than normal. So, if you happen to be walking through a grocery store and see packages of toilet paper, buy as many as you can, go straight to Ebay and start selling away. This virus isn’t going away any time soon and neither will people’s need to use the bathroom.

None of the suggestions made above should actually be taken into consideration. This was a satire and was written solely for the enjoyment of the reader.