Masterpieces of bad cinema

Whether+or+not+a+movie+is+enjoyable+is+mostly+subjective%2C+but+sometimes%2C+there+are+films+that+are+so+undeniably+awful+that+everyone+can+agree+that+they+should+not+exist.

Paige Gordon

Whether or not a movie is enjoyable is mostly subjective, but sometimes, there are films that are so undeniably awful that everyone can agree that they should not exist.

Paige Gordon, Staff Writer

Over the centuries, creative people have developed new forms of art and entertainment, such as cinematography. As one of the staples of modern entertainment, filmmakers have spent years inventing new techniques to improve their storytelling abilities and captivate audiences. But then there are these absolute monstrosities. Some could be considered so terrible they are entertaining, some are so slow-paced that movie goers fell asleep at the theater. And some are simply abominations.

 

“The Happening” (2008)

Beware the plants, they are out to kill you! Most people know M. Night Shamalan for his extremely abstract ideas in his films, but more often than not, his films flop. Being one of Shamalan’s first rated R movies, it has plenty of horrifying deaths and violence, but gore cannot fix a dumb plot.  An “ecological thriller” is not appealing, and the performances felt flat. With the exception of Mark Wahlberg’s scene where he is talking to a plastic plant; in a strange way, it is the most entertaining part of the movie.

 

“Battleship” (2014)

A movie based on a board game? Starring Rihanna? No thank you. “Battleship” is a pretty unremarkable science fiction movie. With overused alien invasion tropes and too many explosions, there really is nothing special about the entire movie.

 

Catwoman (2004)

The early 2000’s was a strange time for the movie industry, hence the production of the worst superhero movie in all of existence. Bad performances, over-editing, creepy CGI and poor production aside, the most disappointing part of the entire movie is the horrendous story. The reinvention of DC comics’ “Catwoman” was a punch in the gut for comic enthusiasts, and the  classic Batman villain that had been portrayed by the media for years was replaced by a crazy woman with ‘cat powers’.

 

“Cats” (2019)

“Cats” from the very beginning was doomed to be a failure ever since the release of its first official trailer. When it comes to Broadway musicals, there is an inherent sense of excitement while watching live performances. By adapting the musical into a movie, Hollywood took away the magic of watching a live musical and replaced it with creepy, CGI generated dancing cats. At the very least, the CGI distracted the audience so much that hardly anyone noticed how offbeat and strange the music sounded. But “Cats,” in reality, is not just a weird musical adaptation. It is the prime example of Hollywood investing millions of dollars into hiring big-name actors for their movie to attract more viewers.

 

“Christan Mingle: The Movie” (2014)

Romantic comedies tend to be a hit or a miss with mainstream audiences. Romantic comedies meant to market a dating app however, are guaranteed to be a flop.

 

“Batman v Superman” (2016)

“Batman v Superman” is one of those movies that could have been great if properly executed. Instead, we got a painfully slow, boring movie that evokes no emotion. None of the characters really have strong motivations for what they are doing, and there is such a lack of emotion in the movie, as if it had no soul. The movie really does expose Zack Snyder’s inability to tell a good story. To give credit where credit is due, Snyder always manages to produce great visuals in his films, but the problem is that a movie is supposed to be more than just a series of pretty pictures.

 

“The Room” (2003)

Although it is now considered a classic, most cannot deny how absolutely awful the writing is. Every scene feels awkward, and plot points disappear and reappear at random. And yet somehow, it has become such a staple of early 2000’s culture that people have been rewatching for years.

 

“The Sharknado Franchise”

Not much needs to be said about the Sharknado franchise, seeing that it is one of the most infamously horrible franchises in the movie industry. The Sharknado movies became a strange cultural phenomenon after Syfy released the first movie in 2013. In short, all the Sharknado movies are hokey, gory, and extremely over the top. Although, it is almost impressive that despite how terrible the movies are, SyFy managed to make six movies in total, along with a spin-off comic series and a video game.

 

“Face-off” (1997)

 

“Face-off” is a perfect example of what happens when a director tries too hard to incorporate meaningful symbolism and dark humor into their film. Though director John Woo is widely known in the action movie industry and considered one of the best in the business, a movie where a terrorist and an FBI agent swap faces via surgery is not something action movie enthusiasts asked for.

 

“Waterworld” (1995)

In a world where the polar ice caps melted due to global warming, the earth is now simply a vast ocean, and humanity struggles to survive. It almost sounds like a gritty apocalypse movie, but in reality, it is just another cheesy 90s flick with a stupid plot.

 

“Fateful Findings” (2012)

What happens when a Las Vegas real estate agent decides to start making movies? Absolute hilarity. Neil Breen, the man behind this masterpiece of bad cinema, has gained a small cult following over the years and has been making movies since 2005. “Fateful Findings” is supposedly meant to follow the protagonist Dylan, a best selling writer with superpowers who has been hacking the government to expose corrupt businessmen.  Not that the plot matters, because as you get to watching, it feels like the plot is non-existent. And along with being the director, producer and writer of the movie, Breen also stars as Dylan. Breens capabilities as a writer and director are debatable, but Fateful Findings proves his acting skills to be laughable. Despite the awful acting and a confusing plot, it is an experience watching this movie. It is so terrible, it is almost funny.