Dear Internet stranger…


Paige Gordon

I got a random text from a “stranger.” And since I was bored, I decided to keep responding.

Paige Gordon, Staff writer

I recently received some text messages from a random woman. It seems clear to me from the bad grammar, the excessive accents, and overuse of emojis that this person is a catfish. Yet I still decided against my better judgement to continue interacting with this person, and it got… weird.


To the woman who thought I was Arlo,

I am really sorry that Arlo gave my number as a fake number, that is not a nice thing to do to anyone, and he can go eat dirt. However, though I admire your friendliness and desire to meet new people, I will have to ask that you respect my boundaries. I appreciate your interest in wanting to get to know me more, despite this little snafu, but I would appreciate it if you could refrain from asking too many personal questions. Nothing against you of course, I do envy how much of an open book you are. Just please respect that I am a more private person. But I will disclose that I am a woman, seeing that there was a bit of confusion during our messages.

Additionally, while I am flattered, I do ask you to stop sending me such voluptuous photos of yourself. You seem nice and are incredibly attractive, but I think I am a bit too young for you. I have a lot on my plate as it is, and along with all the chaos of my daily life not giving me much free time, I am not in the market for a girlfriend at the moment. I just would not be able to give you what you want in a relationship, but I can be a confidant. So, maybe use your flirting skills to find someone who can actually treat you right. If it is any consolation, you are gorgeous, and I am sure that people would line up at your doorstep just to talk to you for a minute. Besides, you have plenty of time to find someone, no need to go rushing into things. I do recommend trying a different dating website, like  Bumble, I guarantee you will have better luck there. Match is not a great place to find someone.

Anyway, I am glad to have met you virtually, and I hope we can be Internet friends. I hope you enjoy your time visiting Sioux Falls, maybe while you are here we can arrange a coffee date or something. And I promise, if I ever see Arlo, I will pour a drink on his head for you.