Betty White’s death is a bad omen


The Hollywood Reporter

Rest in peace Betty White. Thank you for being a friend.

Paige Gordon, Staff Writer

Tragedy struck on Dec. 31, 2021, with the death of beloved comedy icon Betty White, just weeks before her 100th birthday. And though we must take time to mourn her, it is crucial to prepare for tough times ahead.

White had become somewhat of a “meme” with the rise of the Internet. She was iconic not just for her role in “Golden Girls” or her work in Hollywood as a whole, but also for the fact that she seemed to be immortal. We’ve all heard the jokes; when the Earth was in its primal stages, Betty White was there to see it. Now, with her gone, we should be bracing ourselves. She was meant to be unkillable, but if the venerable White can die, who knows who could be next. I have a sneaking suspicion that the Queen of England will be next. She, much like White, had become known for her supposed immortality. She had even managed to outlive the living zombie she called a husband, but now I fear for the worst.

White’s death is a bad sign for 2022. This has the potential to create a domino effect that will effectively put an end to the Silent Generation. White’s death is too improbable, her passing couldn’t have been natural. Whoever is responsible is still out there, looking for a new target. Every single elderly person who no one could have ever imagined keeling over will turn to dust. First, they came for White, soon they will come for Mel Brooks, then the Queen of England, then David Attenborough, then Sir Patrick Stewart, then Ian McKellen, then eventually all the elderly will perish. The unkillable will be no more, and they shall be dragged down the level of average, puny mortals. I do believe that we are doomed. The worst wars in human history are often caused by the death of a single person. But this time, I believe instead of instigating a war between nations, 2022 has declared war on the universe itself. There is no doubt in my mind that White was the universe’s prized creation; the perfect life form that must be protected. Soon we will be face to face with the wrath of her creator, and for our insolence, we shall be destroyed.