As I grow fonder of poetry thanks to the likes of Daniel Bethke and Mr. Pastrano, I find myself trying to write poems about the less poetic aspects of life. Welcome to the first (and quite possibly last, considering Statesman trends) volume of The Statesman Poems. 

“Online Tyrants” is a poem that details my feelings toward the Online Editors-in-Chief throughout the years I have been on Statesman: 

Online Tyrants

Appointed to, only the best

A duty of which there is no rest 

To wear with pride the S-shaped crest

And rule the web with an iron fist.

Many a chief have come and gone 

Playing the staff as little pawns 

To crank out stories dusk till dawn 

And beg the question, brains or brawn?

When overthrown they flee so far 

Whether an Irish pub or New York bar

To be replaced like fresh new tar 

And Dan and Kate, revered they are.

“The Gavel” is a haiku reenacting Statesman Adviser Mrs. Kroeze’s famous exclamation, a response to students speaking too loud:

The Gavel 

Staff can not whisper 

Driving Kroeze to madness

“Everyone shut up!”

“Arcane Articles” is also a haiku, this one however is my response to the complaints about sports stories, especially our series “Meet the Varsity:”

Arcane Articles

Do not call them stale 

Sports story always avail

Rain, sleet, snow or hail