Growing up I have always had the urge to be friends with everyone. I craved acceptance from every person I encountered. I would constantly overthink the actions I executed and the words I spoke, hoping I was doing everything right and not offending anyone. Forcing a smile on my face, I would ask everyone how their day was going and try to be the light in their life. While I was making sure everyone around me was doing okay, and I was on no one’s so-called “bad side,” I started losing focus on myself. 

I always strived to have a big group of friends. I saw posts with girls and all their gorgeous look-alikes, wishing I could reach that social standard. At the end of the day, it does not matter how many Instagram followers you have, the number of likes on posts or the fulfilling comments from people you barely know. Those people are not your friends. People might be on others’ private stories on Snapchat, and you might have a streak with them, but are they the first person you go to when your life starts going downhill? I would walk throughout the hallways saying and receiving “hello” from those who know me, but no one I could consider my best friend. Just as long as everyone likes me, right? That thought consumed my brain, slowly breaking me without even realizing it.

I was constantly thinking about what other people thought about me. I was going through tough situations by myself but nothing compared to what others are going through, so why would I burden them with my problems that are so small compared to theirs? I never realized how stressed out I was while trying to make other people happy. 

I decided I needed to get my own life together before I thought about anyone else. It got to the point where I stopped trying to reach out to others to make sure we are still on good terms. When you break, you realize who is your true friend. They are the people who come to you without having you reach out first. Friends aren’t people who judge you. It’s cliche, but a friend is someone who accepts you for you. They’re the people you can tell everything to. They’re the people who feel like home. You can laugh with them through the fun times, but also trust them enough to cry when you hit your breaking point and you feel as if you have nothing left. In the end, it doesn’t matter what other people think about you because you can not go through life pleasing everyone. What matters is the people you surround yourself with and the way they treat you and make you feel.