"The best way to predict your future is to create it." Abraham Lincoln

Lincoln High School Statesman

"The best way to predict your future is to create it." Abraham Lincoln

Lincoln High School Statesman

"The best way to predict your future is to create it." Abraham Lincoln

Lincoln High School Statesman

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LHS teachers in…The Hunger Games

Ryan Calhoun
3rd place went to mountain climber, Tyler Fluth; 2nd place went to Chemistry genius Jaws; 3rd place went to chair throwing Dr. Mario Chiarello.

The tables have turned. For once and exactly once, the teachers of LHS will be left to compete with each other for elusive titles and evasive affirmations entirely at the mercy of the LHS student body. Instead of playing a round of Kahoot, however, these teachers have been tasked with fighting for their dignities and their lives in a grueling Hunger Games arena. LHS students have weighed in and determined district representatives and the likely fates of each contestant in the competition. Ladies and gentlemen, let the games begin.

It was a well-fought battle by all participants and one that went down to the wire when it came to the few most successful competitors. After Señorita Saez, Welter and Stegeman made early exits, the favorites cemented themselves as real challengers. Their prowess was only rivaled by the two real surprise packages of the games, Frau Edwards and Doug from the welcome window and fell short only to the final two contestants.

His cartography skills were vital. Jaws Jarovski, having entered the games as the clear favorite, had an extremely impressive showing, asserting himself as a real aggressor from the cornucopia all the way to the final moments. Unfortunately, his performance was not enough. In the end, fueled by tempo and temper, melody and malice, Dr. Mario Chiarello emerged victorious. It was over as soon as he found the chairs.

District 1:

Two faces always eager to greet students in the morning team up to create an administrative power duo representing District 1. The authority with which they have operated throughout their illustrious careers could work to their advantage or could come at a cost. Ever present, always lurking, ready to take action when needed, welcome to the games Doug from the welcome window and our Principal, Dr. Raeder.

District 2:

The alliteration produced by the combination of these teachers’ names will surely please one member of the unexpected partnership representing District 2. The different personalities and strengths of each teacher could prove a vital instrument to their survival chances in the games. Flying under the radar and hunkered deep within the A-wing are Sara Klawonn and Brian Kocer.

District 3:

Two freshman favorites represent District 3. Possibly the most energetic duo entering the games, these two may find it hard to keep the attention of others away from them once inside the arena. Characteristics usually associated with teddy bears must be useful in life-or-death situations in some way, and those characteristics will have to get the job done for this pair. South side A Wing confidently sends Xavier Pastrano and Regan Meyer into the games.

District 4:

The LHS science department has produced one of the absolute favorites for this tournament and one additional participant as well. Unfortunately for them, biological warfare is not allowed in the Hunger Games and will result in ejection from the competition. The dynamic duo will have to find other ways to stay in contention. Out of District 4 come the brains and the brawn, James (Jaws) Jarovski and Jen Dubois. You can decide which is which.

District 5: 

The sheer physical stature of this lethal partnership is enough to send some prospective competitors into a panic. One of the representatives from this district went so far as to leave the confines of LHS for an entire year just to train for the Hunger Games, so you can be assured that they will take the situation seriously. We are still looking into the legality of such drastic preparation measures. Best of luck to District 5’s Kyle Stegeman and Jordan Strand.

District 6:

Watch out for the potential surprise package out of the shallow end of the A-Wing. While these two have not exhibited traits often representative of Hunger Games champions in their professional careers, the explosive rage they need is within them somewhere, and it has been hibernating and incubating for far too long. Welcome Dr. Katie Kroeze and Tony Welter out of District 6 and into the arena.

District 7:

This power duo, armed with chairs and basketballs, is sure to provide action and entertainment to those paying them attention. One of the favorite duos to excel in the games, the unorthodox strategies of the two unorthodox teachers will confuse other competitors, if nothing else. They have been preparing for this moment their entire lives – Trey Naasz and Dr. Mario Chiarello emerge as the players from District 7.

District 8:

The depths of the E-wing lower level hide some of the most ferocious beasts on the planet. This duo compliments each other’s strengths and weaknesses exceptionally well, the lack of height and lack of youthful energy affecting each member of the party respectively canceled out by the abundance of such quality in the other. Rising from the dust of the E100s and entering the games are Scott Amundson and Travis Aukerman.

District 9:

He is tall, he is lanky and he still owes me lunch because I aced his semester test freshman year. His partner might coach a sport and teach a class somewhere within the building. The commanding social studies duo may be lost without a detailed map of the arena, but they will find themselves making plenty of mutual alliances. It could be troublesome for them. Best of luck to Tyler Fluth and Ken Doyle.

District 10:

There may be a language barrier here, but it won’t stop these two. One’s unbridled rage paired with the other’s general confusion could prove an effective combination when it comes to survival under harsh conditions. Even for those watching the games that prefer welding or shop work over language classes, these two are hard to cheer against. Watch out for Señorita Andrea Saez and Frau Saskia Edwards from District 10.

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About the Contributor
Ryan Calhoun, Staff Writer
Ryan Calhoun is a senior and first-year staff writer for the Statesman. In his free time, Calhoun plays soccer with the LHS varsity team in the fall and bowls with the LHS varsity team in the winter. He also considers himself a professional pickleball star by day and a fast food connoisseur by night. When he is not busy with these important obligations, Calhoun can be found happily hanging out with friends or utterly dejected at Shoe Carnival, where he works.
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