Lincoln High School Statesman

Come on Eileen…

Eileen's Colossal Cookies

Brita Quello, Staff Writer

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“…Oh, I swear what he means, at this moment, you mean everything.” Some may recognize this song as the song about some woman named Eileen, right? But no, when this song comes on the radio, Eileen’s magical cookies come to my mind (and you, grandma, of course, you are my favorite Eileen).

Anyway, if you have experienced the taste and sensation of Eileen’s cookies, you know what I mean when I say they are addictive. Eileen’s Colossal Cookies recently opened a location here in Sioux Falls, S.D. and I am extremely thankful, but my stomach and wallet — not so much. I have done some intense research, but no recipe is available, meaning Eileen’s recipe is some top-secret stuff.  So Eileen, what is your secret?

“Eileen’s cookies are the GOAT for a multitude of reasons,” said junior Pad Baireddy. “The frosting to cookies ratio is perfect, there is not too much cookie and not too much frosting. It is a perfect cookie marriage. And, you can customize them to your liking. The world is your oyster at Eileen’s and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Not to mention, the taste of these wondrous cookies is simply immaculate and no other cookie can attain Eileen’s near perfect creations. In conclusion, no cookie has yet reached the standard Eileen has set, and I’m not sure if any cookie ever will.”

In summary, as Baireddy perfectly stated,  Eileen’s cookies are nothing short of godly.

The famous Eileen herself (not my loving grandma) otherwise known as the cookie goddess, actually started Eileen’s Colossal Cookies in 1982, in her basement. At the time, she would dress up as the Cookie Monster, from Sesame Street, and deliver cookies to all her clients. As the business grew, she opened more stores but did not carry over the Cookie Monster dress-up tradition.

Eileen will go down as an icon and her cookies will forever be known as life-changing. I would just like to give the big thanks to Eileen for blessing our taste buds with these indescribable cookies. Thank you, and good night! May your dreams be filled with cookies.

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