Simple solutions

DISCLAIMER: This story is a satire and is NOT to be taken seriously. No real health professionals have been involved in the three step rule.


Veronica Iseminger

Pssst. Are you sad? Upset? Depressed? Try out the three step rule!

Veronica Iseminger, Perspectives Editor

Everyone struggles with something, whether it’s from serious life changes or months worth of missing French homework. The truth is, life is never easy, especially in high school. Being a teenager is incredibly difficult, and happiness is crucial. But don’t fret. Anything can be solved by the three-step rule: listen, move, try. This method has been vigorously tested and approved by only the most elite professionals working in the mental health field.

  1. Listen

Did your ex-best friend’s boyfriend slash your tires?

Don’t worry! A perfect solution to this is the listen rule. Ignore the dread of needing to replace four tires at full cost, and simply pull out some of your favorite tunes and feel your stress melt away. Hey, the radio still works, right? Your early 2000’s CD collection is still in the back; pop one in for an instant sensation of relief. 

        Below I have generously shared with you a top tier, handcrafted playlist I assure will grant you with peace of mind and fill you with enough serotonin to overcome any challenge you may face:

  • “Flat Tire” by Dale Watson
  • “Bad Timing” by Blue Radio
  • “Out of Luck” by Emma McGann
  • “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” by Green Day
  • “When Dog’s Run Away” by Stewart Lindsey
  • “And I cry…” by Imperfections
  • “Everybody Hurts” by R.E.M
  • Move

Did Roscoe, the family dog, never come back from his afternoon potty break?

No biggie! Just get up and move! Tie up the laces on your Air Force One’s and head out for a nice quick stroll. Fresh air is all you ever needed anyway. You might even catch some of Sioux Falls’ bipolar spring snowflakes! Plus, our local humane society is always looking for new loving homes for their furry friends.

  • Try 

Have you torn your ACL for the third time, completely ruining your chances at possible sports scholarships?

Ha, don’t panic! These things happen often and are not worth being upset about. Four years from now this will all be a distant memory you can easily laugh off. Try picking up a new hobby like taxidermy or knitting! Unfortunately, LHS’s taxidermy class has been temporarily taken off of enrollment, but you’re in luck! LHS’s knitting club meets Tuesdays in Mrs. Eckart’s room and is always looking for new members. *ACL’s not required.