LHS is the best!


Brooks Houwman

Students reported seeing Mrs. Winklepleck in the halls bribing students with tickets to her play.

Brooks Houwman, Staff Writer

Please note that this story is a satire; therefore, certain elements within may be exaggerated for comedic effect.

There has always been a debate circulating throughout the Metro Area concerning which high school is the best. My unbiased opinion is that LHS is the best because of our talented students and staff. 

School Security:

  • In order to achieve maximum security and order, LHS prides itself on having a great militia (JROTC) and intimidating resource officers. 

All hail Radar:

  • LHS is so amazing no principal could keep up. This is why we brought in a Doctor to lead us. Radar keeps students and teachers in line with her stern voice and beautiful smile. 

The Brazies: 

  • The Brazies tend to stay strong and show an absurd amount of school spirit during the first few months of school, then mysteriously begin to disappear. It is rumored that Mrs. Winklepleck pays some of the Brazies to attend her plays instead of the games.

Learning to love: 

  • PDA at LHS shows the loving and comfortable environment created by teachers and students alike. Kissing in the halls allows students to figure out if they are spaghetti kids. 

Modern Modifications: 

  • Regular trophy cases are boring, our digital trophy case shows the lavish lifestyle LHS leads. Are there cracks in the walls? Yes, but who cares. 


  • The sophisticated culture of the LHS Band wins the most trophies for its beautiful, elegant and tasteful symphonies. No one really cares though. 

Most important department:

  • English teachers at LHS are amazing; with positive attitudes and teacher’s pets, they continue to make a favorite subject always interesting. 


  • The Statesman is an encouraging group of young adults who take pride in their stories and have nothing wrong with them. There is no fear greater than walking into the J Lab to a group of students who suddenly stop talking.