"The best way to predict your future is to create it." Abraham Lincoln

Lincoln High School Statesman

"The best way to predict your future is to create it." Abraham Lincoln

Lincoln High School Statesman

"The best way to predict your future is to create it." Abraham Lincoln

Lincoln High School Statesman

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It’s not a phase, it’s a lifestyle

To maintain the “clean” look never let your hair pass your shoulders and always cut short bangs because that will let people know that you are always staying on top of your hair length.
Porter Stangeland
To maintain the “clean” look never let your hair pass your shoulders and always cut short bangs because that will let people know that you are always staying on top of your hair length.

Hygiene, some care about it and some simply have not heard of it, but it is an essential part of everyone’s life whether they like it or not.
Have you ever been strolling through the halls of LHS to get to your next class when suddenly you are gagging on the delightful stench of a person you passed? Maybe you walked into class to find a surprise seating arrangement posted on the wall and you sat down only to feel the need to give your elbow partner an early birthday gift… a stick of deodorant. Or perhaps going to the locker room to innocently change for your gym class and as you open the door you get knocked down by the wonderful smells of body odor and dirty socks. If you have not experienced any of this in your high school career, consider yourself unlucky because it is truly splendid and these are essential experiences to the clean lifestyle.
Sometimes there are instances where some people want to smell good but they are not using at least 10 squirts of cologne or perfume. If you are one of these people and concerned about not smelling horrendous enough, here is some helpful advice: do not brush your teeth before you come to school, shower twice a week, keep your use of deodorant to a minimum and after washing your hands, make sure you cough and sneeze into them. Personal hygiene awareness has been around since 3000 BC, which means it is outdated, so let’s leave it in the past. If you want to do the bare minimum, take a quick trip down to Sephora and make sure you bring your college savings and nothing less. To look and smell good, you will need to drop a couple thousand on trending products like Drunk Elephant and other overpriced skincare items that only 10-year-olds on the brink of poverty can afford.
Another crucial part of obtaining a clean lifestyle is to make sure you have a minimum of 18 reusable water bottles so you can be properly hydrated at all times and, most importantly caught up with what’s trending. Keep in mind that you are not only doing this for yourself but to also make everyone around you feel nothing but envy for the lavish lifestyle that you are living. If anyone says that you are going to peak in high school, just remember that the peak is the highest point so it most certainly will not go downhill from there. To maintain the “clean” look never let your hair pass your shoulders and always cut short bangs because that will let people know that you are always staying on top of your hair length.
Besides hair, the best way to draw more attention to your clean lifestyle is to constantly vlog what you are doing and make sure you critique others when they are doing something wrong. Critiquing someone’s every move is what will help make their life the best it can be. But when someone smells rank, make sure you kindly let them know by announcing to the whole class that their putrid stench is running rampant through your nostrils because public shaming is always the way to go in these situations.
Finally, the last step that pulls this aesthetic together is to be consistent with letting everyone under the sun know that you have a lot of money.
Now that you have learned the basics of living this luxurious and clean lifestyle, it is time to go out into the world and let everyone know that they have been living their lives wrong. When doing this, always double-check that you are saying the first thing that comes to mind when you see someone not as blessed as you.

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About the Contributor
Porter Stangeland
Porter Stangeland, Staff Writer
Porter Stangeland is a Junior and a first-year staff writer for the Statesman. He pole vaults for LHS track and field, HOSA Medical Club and National English Honor Society. You can usually find him listening to Lorde. His outside hobbies consist of skiing, golfing, hanging out with friends and researching different forms of design and architecture.
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