Lincoln High School Statesman

TikTok trend causes international shortage of painter’s tape

An elusive roll of Scotch Painter's Tape. DIY quarantine projects have caused a shortage of the high-quality, low-residue tape.

Slater Dixon, Perspectives Editor

May 20, 2020

The closing of schools due to COVID-19 has caused many teenagers to engage in various aesthetic projects, but those seemingly innocent activities are putting a monumental strain on a crucial national resource: ScotchBlue Multi-Surface Painter’s Tape.  “This is just one more thing to worry abou...

Top 5 Easiest Ways to Make Money During Quarantine

Spencer Wasmund, Sports Editor

May 19, 2020

During a pandemic like the one we are in right now, there aren’t an overabundance of places for people to work as many businesses have closed or have extremely limited hours. This list is the top five best and easiest ways to make money during quarantine.   Join a pyramid scheme What better wa...

The life of an artist

The life of an artist

Brita Quello, Staff Writer

May 14, 2020

Fame can change you. I am proud to confirm that the glitz and glam of Hollywood and human instinct to fall to the hierarchy of the prestige has not and will not affect me. I am grounded. You may have seen my face on the billboards, in the newspaper or on the news due to my painting that I uploaded to ...

“Coronacation” driving bored students to commit remote learning

Things have been difficult for the youth as the Coronavirus pandemic ensues. What are they supposed to do?

Kyla Clark, Staff Writer

April 23, 2020

With boredom at an all-time high, bored youngins turn to doing their schoolwork. In the start of the new decade, Coronavirus has engulfed the globe in germs and missing toilet paper. While adults become anxious and frantically try to outrun death, today’s teens remain lethargic. They have cutely nam...

February sucks. Change my mind

February is by far the worst month of the entire year.

Caleb Hiatt, Staff Writer

February 7, 2020

Every month of the year has something that makes it great. December has Christmas, November has Thanksgiving, October has Halloween and so on. The only month that pales in comparison to all other months is February. February sucks, especially for those who live in the midwest. February is always ...

Homecoming king humbly accepts nomination despite knowing darn well he’d win the whole time

Tim White and Anna Robinson won LHS' Homecoming king and queen in 2017.

Landon DeBoer, Sports Editor

September 20, 2019

Awarding Kyle Homecoming king was the least the students of LHS could do to show a token of respect to a kid who left a mediocre impact on their lives. Kyle overwhelmingly won the Homecoming crown with 200 more votes than the next closest candidate. This stat came as no surprise to Kyle’s parents, ...

Top scientists: climate change not that big of a deal anymore

This tree will continue to prosper thanks to this momentous achievement

Slater Dixon, Perspectives editor

August 29, 2019

Take note of this moment; scientists from organizations including NASA, the American Meteorological Society and the United Nations have made a startling announcement: climate change is officially not that big of a deal now.  What was once thought of as the greatest issue facing humanity is now recei...

Student receives juvenile detention for talking about AP test

Student receives juvenile detention for talking about AP test

Caleb Miller, Staff Writer

May 16, 2019

Disclaimer: This story is purely for satirical purposes. None of the events described are true and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. On Wednesday, May 15, LHS sophomore Max Peterson was taken into the Minnehaha County Juvenile Center with a seri...

‘Avengers: Endgame’ is pretty good, but it pales in comparison to the ‘Parent Trap’

ThanosLohan

Slater Dixon, Perspectives editor

May 14, 2019

This article contains spoilers, but you shouldn’t care since it isn’t that good of a movie anyway when you think about it in the context of ‘The Parent Trap’ When I saw “Endgame” for the first time, I was blown away. To see the culmination of so many movies, so many stories, was over...

IAHSB announces rating system based on personality

The new ranking system for women as determined by the IAHSB

Slater Dixon, Perspectives Editor

March 26, 2019

This is a big win for women. On Monday, the International Association of High School Boys (IAHSB) announced that they are finally replacing the old 1-10 rating system based on physical attractiveness. The new scale will be gradually rolled out to group hangouts and locker rooms throughout 2019. “We...

Salsa is not that great

SALSA can be chunky,  sweet, sour, or spicy. Either way the LHS SALSA club is a fiesta.

Elizabeth Boysen, Staff Writer

March 22, 2019

Salsa is a staple of most parties and is often served alongside guacamole and chips. There is an inferior in that duo, and it is not made out of the ever popular avocado. Unpopular opinion: Salsa is really just ok. If I had the choice between salsa and guac, you better believe the avocado would be...