Lincoln High School Statesman

The hipster takeover: Soundset addition

The hipster takeover: Soundset addition

Hannah Hansen, Staff Writer

May 30, 2018


Filed under Satire

Hipster youth had another chance to bust out the flower crowns and crop tops at a semi-local music festival this past weekend. Soundset, an annual music festival held during the Memorial Day weekend in the Minneapolis-Saint Paul area, brought music lovers together - one man bun at a time. Are you wond...

May Issue of Statesman

May Issue of Statesman

May 29, 2018


Filed under Editorials, Entertainment, Features, News, Satire, Sports

The Statesman has created a May issue that will only be available online. Here is the link to view it:            

Laughing at our overwhelming defeats: AP testing

Ellie Lamberty, Meet the Varsity

May 24, 2018


Filed under Features, Satire

The two weeks of AP testing just recently rolled around starting May 7 and ending May 18. Along with testing stress and tears, many memes followed suit. Some worked extremely hard in hopes of getting a five, while others strolled in at 7:30 a.m. or 11:30 a.m. and accepted their inevitable defeat. I ...

Ten tips for surviving the end of the school year

Ten tips for surviving the end of the school year

Brianna Geis, Journalism Student

May 24, 2018


Filed under Satire

The end of the school year is quickly approaching. It can be very stressful as summer approaches with finals and AP exams. Here are a few tips in order to wrap up the school year with some good scores: Stay up late to help release natural endorphins, which in turn will help you stay more focused dur...

The best things to do in the summer

The best things to do in the summer

Johana Brower, Journalism Student

May 24, 2018


Filed under Satire

Study, study and study: Studying is very important especially in the summer. It is a proven fact kids who do not study in the summertime get dumber and lose all their useful knowledge. Go to the library: If someone was to say “study”, they would need books on the subject matter and what better plac...

Why mental breakdowns are expensive

Why mental breakdowns are expensive

Ethan Kolb, Journalism Student

May 24, 2018


Filed under Satire

As teens go through high school, they are expected to study, have extracurricular activities, work and still preserve a social life, yet the cost of these standards is our mental health. This goes underlooked for the most part in modern society.   We follow trends that pop up, such as ‘Yanny vs Laurel.’ The...

How to Flirt With Trees – A Five Step Process

How to Flirt With Trees – A Five Step Process

Slater Dixon, Journalism Student

May 24, 2018


Filed under Entertainment, Satire

For many teenagers, high school is a time to improve their academic endurance, physical strength and emotional maturity. For others, though, they just want that cute gf to get them through the next three months. But getting a dating companion can be difficult and keeping one can be even harder. If yo...

Top 10 most unpopular (but very valid) opinions

Top 10 most unpopular (but very valid) opinions

Alex Turner, Journalism Student

May 23, 2018


Filed under Satire

We all have opinions, many of them probably unpopular. The basic ones, obviously, are like whether or not you like coffee, Drake or Trump. This list delves into 10 more unpopular opinions that not many people have.  Coffee is not that good: The black bean liquid everyone seems to be drinking these d...

Mail truck dreams

Mail truck dreams

Katie Osmundson, Staff Writer

May 16, 2018


Filed under Satire

I want to get hit by a mail truck. Strange? Yes. Smart? Yes. Dangerous? Probably. Here is the thing: I will be a senior next year, and that is crazy because it means that I am going to have to go to college. What is even more scary is that I am going to have to pay for college. One night I sat do...

Aftermath: life after AP tests

Aftermath: life after AP tests

Timothy Stolp, Staff Writer

May 16, 2018


Filed under Satire

One by one, the dreaded AP tests have been taken by the cohort of students that exemplify the standard of excellence at LHS. Unfortunately for them, the worst is yet to come. For those who have not enrolled in an AP class, we who have offer this warning: The test is only the beginning of an AP stude...

I miss the snow

I miss the snow

Katie Osmundson, Staff Writer

May 4, 2018


Filed under Satire

To be honest, waking up to sunny 60 degree temperatures this weekend was very upsetting. Has Mother Nature ever heard of consistency? Just as I was getting used to the all the wonderful things that winter has to offer, she went and made the weather normal, taking all of the joy out of my life. I mi...

How to survive the last month of school

How to survive the last month of school

Chloe Crissman, Staff Writer

May 4, 2018


Filed under Satire

Climbing Mount Everest without an oxygen tank. Not crying to Post Malone’s new album. These two things are synonymous with the word impossible. As is being able to finish out the school year. The weather is beginning to warm and the birds are beginning to sing their songs. All of the fall coupl...