Dear Journal,

Hey, it’s Daddy Trump. I apologize for being gone for so long. Kellyanne took you after I left it in the golf cart when I went to go play golf with Kanye. Now I am back and ready to tell you about my trip to go help my favorite vassal.

I flew in the big airplane, which, BTW, I’m redesigning to look like a giant bullet because I lost a bet to Charles when we argued on how long Ivanka’s clothing line would still be sold in Nordstroms.

Exiting my plane, I noticed there were so many pure, pure people waiting to greet me. All of them looked very nice and republican. I love that, Journal. I really do.

When I was moved to the motorcade, I got an email from Kristi welcoming me to the city. What a nice gal. Kristi- you are a nice person. We think alike Kristi; you are basically the female version of me. I finally found someone who understands my thought process. Also, get this, Journal: She is a farmer. A farmer! Putin is going to be so happy when I report to him that we finally got a person who, unlike us, literally likes getting dirt on her hands.

Entering the arena, I loved what I saw, Journal. You wouldn’t believe how much covfefe I saw. Covfefe here, covfefe there, covfefe all around South Dakota. I took in all the covfefe and was rudely rushed in to the conference room where they had cornflakes and deep-fried macaroni and cheese ready for me. I sat myself on a seat that was rightfully labeled “Big Boys Only.” I watched Kristi Noem and others talk while I had the most republican looking person in the room have the honor to feed me.  I looked over my speech and scribbled in some ideas with the pink crayon that reminds me of Barron. Did I mention I love Barron. Anyways, when it was my time to go speak, I put on my big boy face and South Dakota sang to me the most beautiful song, “TRUMP 2020!” Mmmm, how kind of them. The next thing I remember is boarding the Air Force One and changing into my onesie. Putin doesn’t let me talk during rallies anymore. He says I get too excited.

That’s all for today, Journal. Currently I am eating peanuts while the pilot sings “Sweet Caroline” to me for the fifth time.

P.S  My Pencey would’ve loved this.